dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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