I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
