The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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