wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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