I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
