i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
