I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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