apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
