I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
