Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
