We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
