she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
