A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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