if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
