I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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