Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
