your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
