He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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