I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
