I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
