So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
