I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
