It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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