I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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