Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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