I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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