Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
