Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
