She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
