if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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