I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
