It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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