I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
