Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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