just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
