u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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