And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
