Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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