I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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