Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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