For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
