I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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