I just threw up on my dentist
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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