the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
