How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
