i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
