You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
