Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
