her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
