I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
